drie susters en ‘n ma

I’ve recently been going through a very rough patch at work - working 11 hours a day, trying to give my best for the Company I’m working for, then getting home late at night, trying to please everyone here, getting frustrated, irritated, and just being nasty to the people that I love the most. I thank the Lord that I’ve got such a patient and loving husband, otherwise I would have been out on the street, long time ago! Thanks Luv!!! I’m tired, emotionally drenched and feel like sleeping for days without end. After a recent conversation that Bev and I had, I felt that it’s necessary to get this out in 1010101000101111000010010100 format, as I believe that I’m not the only person that feels like this. Why is it that we will slave ourselves to the bone for someone else, and when it comes to our family (the people that is suppose to be first in our lives), we would gently move them to the side and offer them the off cuts.

I love defending my causes and was trying to make excuses in my own world, maybe trying to put my mind at ease that there is a greater cause behind this all. First of all, I was telling myself that without my income we would not be able to cope financially. Thinking about it later on, I changed the “we” to “I”.

Then I started debating the fact that it’s my career that’s on the line. Yes, in a certain sense it’s true - I’ve been in the same industry for 11 years and sort of know what to expect when and how to handle it - and yes, I am quite good at what I do. I know I’m in a comfort zone and need to get out of there. So what?, these days people make quicker career changes than I can change underwear.

After playing tug-of-war with my emotions, I came to that special, horrible emotion: PRIDE. One of the seven deadly sins … Now I know why. If you don’t have it, you’ve got no backbone. If you have too much of it, you stuck up and tend to neglect everyone around you for the “cause”. What cause?? Especially for a mother, shouldn’t my most important cause be my kids and husband? I’m quite willing to fail at home as long as I don’t fail at work. And who is going to be at my bedside when I’m 70/80 years old? Definately not the Company I’ve been working for 11 hours a day - it’s going to be my husband and children. Priorities?? Failure?? Where do we draw the line if we have to work?????? Where do we get the courage to get out of our comfort zones and try something new? I don’t know…